洛城冰牛奶茶坊

The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort is such a seminal book that even people who have never laid eyes on a copy know about the iconic bearded man and the saucy French terms, and the troubling references to vacuum cleaner injuries. When it was first published in 1972 the book didn't just reflect the new free-love, “anything goes as long as it doesn't hurt anyone” attitude to sex, it also helped to shape already changing attitudes. Since then it has been updated four times and has sold more than eight million copies in 14 countries.

Susan Quilliam, the agony aunt and psychologist who has completely updated the book for 2008, was 22 when it first came out and recalls how it touched a nerve. “The Joy of Sex was the first book I read which was sexually aspirational. Someone in my boyfriend's flat had a copy before he and I had ‘done it',” she says. “It was very useful. We did giggle but we also thought wow... All the bondage and S&M stuff was very revolutionary. In fact, one of my sadnesses in updating the book is that whatever I did I could never be as revolutionary.”

There's the rub. When the original was first published there was nothing else like it on the market: other sex manuals stuck with the science and ignored the pleasure. Quilliam's generation, caught between “parents who expected me to go to my wedding bed a virgin” and the new urgency about exploring sex, were hungry for enlightenment and inspiration.

The current climate could not be more different. Now there is almost too much advice, in books, on television and the internet; Ann Summers sells more than 1.2 million sex toys a year; and bondage on Footballers' Wives barely raises eyebrows. What purpose can be served by updating a period piece now that there are so many other great books about sex?

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My boyfriend wants doggy style sex in front of a mirror
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Quilliam makes a good case. “I don't think there has ever been more need for education because we're living in a society which is far more sexualised than when Alex Comfort was writing,” she says. “At the same time, I know people in their thirties who still don't know about the importance of the clitoris.

“I think what a lot of the other material out there misses is how powerful sex is; people die for it, literally. One of the ways we've gone wrong in the past is that we haven't recognised this emotional power. Sex isn't a game - it's not pink and black and fluffy. So I think there still is a need for a book that takes sex seriously.”

Quilliam, 58, has perfect credentials for taking on Comfort's mantle. She offers advice on a number of websites and has written 18 books on love, sex and relationships. A former secondary school teacher, who taught sex education and English in Liverpool, she also ran a company producing personal and social education (PSE) materials for 20 years.

“I enjoy sex enormously”

She lives alone, above a shop in Cambridge, with two long-haired Balinese cats (“my princesses”). She is a workaholic, but four nights a week and on holidays to Argentina she dances tango (an appropriately fruity hobby for a sexpert), and finds there is no shortage of dance partners. When I ask about her sex life she looks momentarily evasive before briskly replying: “I enjoy sex enormously. I wouldn't be writing about it so enthusiastically if I didn't.”

She enjoys shocking “hardened gynaecologists” when she addresses medical conferences, and says: “My problem is I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. Recently I was in the pub and somebody said, ‘What is this thing about female ejaculation? I don't believe a word of it'. I said, ‘No honestly, it does exist, I know because I ejaculate', just as the whole pub went quiet. Luckily a group of guys was passing and one said very pleasantly, ‘Good for you girl, good for you'.”

Quilliam, who pronounces the word “sex” with the mildest Liverpudlian lisp, brings a much needed woman's touch to a book that was criticised by feminists because it was written almost entirely from a male perspective. There were, for example, just three references to the clitoris compared with an ample section on the penis. Then there is Comfort's old hippy take on porn, which he defined as “the name given to any sexual literature someone is trying to suppress”. And don't get me started on the “Buttered Bun”, when two men have sex with one woman.

It is a relief to see Quilliam pull a face when she mentions the bun thing, and Comfort's interest in group sex generally. He believed that within years there would be designated places where people could watch each other making love. In the post-Aids update of the book, a crestfallen Comfort described such behaviour as “suicidal”.

More emphasis on relationships

Quilliam's brief was to write the book Comfort would have written had he still been alive , so while she has retained the section on “Foursomes and Moresomes”, you can tell that she doesn't have the stomach for it. Only a few of the original entries have been ditched entirely: sex on a motorbike, the grope suit - Comfort's joke invention of a Scandin-avian garment that prompted continuous orgasm. There are 43 new sections, including phone sex, the internet, sex shops, and sex during pregnancy, and there is more emphasis on relationships.

What's missing is the often infuriating strid-ency that made the original so special. Comfort clearly felt he had to bang on “to cure the notion that common sex needs are odd or weird”. But his voice is as hard to ventriloquise as the sexual mood of the time. Quilliam puts her finger on it when she says: “Alex Comfort wrote the book on the back of the atmosphere I experienced in the late Sixties and early Seventies, of seeing sex as something like a big treasure box you were opening and taking out wonderful things. There was a real innocence. And an innocence of the hurt that can be done.”

It is hard to know whether Comfort would have regarded our highly sexualised society as progress. No doubt he would have applauded the mainstreaming of sex shops and the sheer volume of chat on the subject, but he would surely have been shocked by the paucity of sex education, a subject Quilliam cares about passionately. She would like schools to introduce weekly lessons about relationships. “Only 25 per cent of girls enjoy losing their virginity whereas the percentage is much higher for boys. That is down to biology but nobody ever tells the kids that,” she says. “Kids want the emotional relationship stuff and the negotiating skills - how to say no to someone who says ‘if you loved me you'd sleep with me'.”

She acknowledges another sobering stat: the Kinsey Institute says that contemporary women have less sex than their 1950s counterparts because they have so little uncommitted time. Sex has become yet another pressure for busy couples, along with the notion that to have good sex you need a perfect body. It's enough to make you feel nostalgic about the hippy pair in the original Joy of Sex, whose bodies were comfortingly average. Quilliam thinks that the bright young things in the new, in-your-face photographs are equally reassuring, but they look pretty perfect to me.

Yet Quilliam recognises that sex is just as anxious-making as it was pre-Comfort. “I'm glad I'm not ten years younger because there are an awful lot of pressures on young people: to look fabulous; to have a fabulous sex life,” she says. “We're living in a world where it's important to achieve and whether we have a good sex life has become one of our measures of personal validity. Alex Comfort took the emphasis off achievement - that is one of the many things he got right.”

FROM: THE TIMES

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article4589094.ece

(網路圖片)

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金賽的性教育

我國中時應該是 199X　時，還記得那是一個新的健康教育老師，新老師充滿了理想與抱負。記得第一次上課的時候，新老師就跟我們說，當時風氣保守的台灣，國中健康教育課本雖然有兩章是講男女的生殖器官，但健康教育老師大多都跳過這兩章，要學生自己回家讀。新老師跟大家保證說她一定不會迴避，會在課堂教這兩章。

於是這天課堂上老師終於講到這禁忌的兩章。講述過程中其實非常不會令人想歪，完全就是人體生殖器官的專有名詞大集，跟自己完全沒關係一樣。講到精子與卵子結合，老師在黑板上畫了一個大大的子宮，還畫了幾個在游泳的精子，老師說：陰莖放進這邊後，精子從這邊出來，精子們開始游泳比賽，看誰第一個跟卵子結合。

當時純真無暇完全不知道男生高潮是啥的 Mars 聽到這段，覺得很有疑問。

但是民風淳樸的國中同學們幾乎是鴉雀無聲地聽完老師講課。直到老師講完之後，照例有十分鐘讓同學問問題，於是勇敢的我就舉手發問了：「老師剛才說，陰莖放進陰道後，精子從這邊出來，那請問老師精子怎麼知道什麼時候跑出來？」（爆）

當時其實沒有任何一個男生笑，不知道是民風淳樸男同學們還不知道如何自慰，還是說真的不好笑，我只記得我充滿好奇的心情，但卻看到女老師漲紅了臉還微帶怒意（爆）。最後老師其實沒有回答我的問題，似乎用不重要帶過，我感覺到老師的怒氣，但是卻不知道為什麼（當然長大後就知道為什麼了）。

看到金賽在 193X 年就開始毫無顧忌，有問必答的上課，真覺得我國中時真是落後。當然了，金賽當時教的是已婚的大人們，我當時上課時才十幾歲。不過老實說，自從國中的健康教育課之後，除了高中看過幾堂錄影帶外，再也沒有在學校課堂上，受過任何性教育了。

http://marspot.blogspot.com/2007/08/blog-post.html



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男生沒有這個問題，不過一旦小弟弟生病了，上泌尿科的尷尬應該跟女生擺 M 字腿不相上下。要在陌生人面前寬衣解帶本來就不易，更不用說脫的是下半身了。

國中最精彩的一課就是健康教育的第十四章。

艾德華讀的是男女合校，但是男女分班，所以上這堂課時並不必要求女生或是男生到另一間教室去上課。當時教我們班健康教育的女老師約莫四十出頭，是出了名的凶狠，打起人來毫不手軟，只要沒有事先把今天要上課的內容先做預習，並將課文背熟，那一陣毒打是絕對逃不過。所以如果下一堂課是健康教育，那麼下課的十分鐘是完全沒有人想離開座位，每個人的表情如喪考妣，因為又是一陣毒打要上演。

但是教到第十四章時，虎姑婆居然也要害羞的一面，從一進教室嘴角就帶著笑，上課時也含含糊糊不知所云，一整班的男生就在這尷尬微妙的氣氛下陪著笑，然後腦袋裡想著自己底下到底算不算正常？

國中時夏天穿的制服是藍色短褲，白色上衣。有些體型已經開始轉大人的男生，或是騷包一點的男生就會去訂做。訂做的制服不僅合身，還要『超』合身。那藍色短褲把大腿繃得緊緊，連插根針進去都沒空隙，繃緊之後，自然跨下就出現雄偉的一大包，在當時大家還懵懵懂懂的時候，那一大包的招搖過市還真是叫人羨慕又忌妒。

看在老師眼裡，這樣當然不是正確的穿衣方式，因為會把小弟弟ㄌㄟ的太緊，影響發育。但如果從這個角度去切入勸導，這些急著要展現自己男兒雄風的男生怎麼聽得進去！

聰明的老師當然知道如何治這些人，而且幾句話就把這些男生嚇得第二天巴不得穿布袋來。

「同學，你的短褲太緊了啦，你知不知道裹小腳也是這樣的方式，讓它想變大也難耶！」

緊接著第十四章的課程，就是進行體檢。衛生所的醫生護士會到學校來，幫大家看看發育的狀況。

大家依序排著隊，穿著方便穿脫的運動褲，到布簾後方在醫生護士面前把長褲跟內褲脫掉，或許是看了太多，偶有「佳作」出現時，醫生精神一振：「ㄏㄡ，這以後生個一打絕對沒問題喔」然後護士小姐也會端詳一下，再給個鼓勵的眼神，那應該比考上建中還叫人開心吧？相對的，如果遇到 S 號的小弟弟時，醫生也不忘記要來個心戰喊話，沒關係，來日方【長】。

http://www.pala88.com/node/4681

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中國人的觀念向來比較保守，對性愛尤其尷尬，2004年還停留在可做不可說的階段，我是五年級女生，國中健康教育十三跟十四章老師就直接跳過去，請我們回家自行閱讀，考試不用說當然是一題也沒有出到，把這兩課當成健康教育上的黑洞，那兩章書我依稀記得，講的是男女生理構造罷了，生理教育都等於沒有，老師不好意思教，性教育當然欠奉。

可是青春期的孩子們，好奇心求知欲跟他們狂飆的荷爾蒙一樣旺盛，像洪水一樣難以防堵，學校關上了閘門，他們絕對會找到其他出路去滿足自己的好奇心，坊間又沒有太多正確讀物可供選擇，相信也很少有前青春期的少年男女膽生毛，敢於去詢問關於生理常識/ 性教育書籍放置何處的，絕大部份的書店的店東員工態度都跟害羞的學校老師差不多，我一次瘋了開口問店員古典文學名著金瓶梅〈註4.〉置於何處，該女店員臉上一陣青一陣紅一陣白，像霓虹燈一樣變換顏色，混雜了震驚恐怖鄙夷，煞是好看，好半晌，才終於從齒縫裡擠出像蛇一樣的嘶嘶聲：「我們不賣『那種書』！」看，也不會有太大幫助。

在這種狀況下，獲取知識的管道便轉向不會問問題的店舖，賣A片裸體寫真色情書刊雜誌的老闆們通常嘴巴都很緊，不會問你為什麼要看「這種」書，當然也不會跟你討論第一百三十五期的龍虎豹封面女郎也登上第十九屆最佳AV女優排行榜第幾名，事實上，他們連收錢的時候也不會跟你的視線有直接接觸，收了錢，嘴裡含糊的哼哼唧唧，也不知道說的是「謝謝光臨下次再來」，還是「猴死孩子怎麼這麼『早秋』〈註5.〉」。

BB跟鳳梨還是嘗了禁果，在她的公寓，放假，室友都回自己國家了。

我終於咬緊牙關忍住笑聲，把眼角笑到標出來的眼淚擦乾，盡最大努力做出嚴肅的表情。「然後呢？至少性本身還好吧？」

BB：「我很失望 。」

嗄？

太棒了，省下一張電影票，我既驚訝又好笑，跟BB聊天實在太精彩，高潮迭起，絕無冷場，真箇是「山窮水盡疑無路，柳暗花明又一村」。BB小姐可是如假包換的在室女，我真是無法想像鳳梨的表現要有多差勁，才可以從一個未經人事的女孩口中得到如此評語，可是唯一確定的方式是自己親自上馬，算了，我只是八卦，沒有花癡，而且性這種事非常非常私人，甲之砒霜可能是乙之蜜糖，完全沒有辦法印證的，只好以BB小姐的判決做基準。

「可是，妳以前又沒有試過，沒有得比較吧？怎麼說失望呢？」

「妳記得電影裡面的那些女生？」

電影？啊，哦，是。我忙不迭點頭如搗蒜，A片。

「她們都大叫個沒完，好像很……很，怎麼說？很激動，可是我一點想叫的感覺也沒有，不知道是我有問題還是鳳梨有啥不妥，」

「親愛的，」我頭搖得像博浪鼓。「那些是AV女優，在演戲/表演/假裝，不是真的。」

「可是也不應該這樣平淡啊，我覺得好無聊，我還以為會有什麼神奇的變化，可是，」BB嘟起嘴，忽然換成廣東話，「就麻麻地，冇乜出奇。」

原來是因為沒有山崩地裂海嘯地震火山爆發大地顫抖天女散花，於是對性抱持極高期望與幻想的小姐覺得大失所望，尤其是她真的下足功夫去準備第一次的接觸，得到的結果，就好像你期待了一年的聖誕節大禮物，拆開來裡面居然只有一張家樂福五十仙的折價券，那麼樣的反高潮，而且他們倆那個滑雪蜜月旅行傳聞甚囂塵上，兩個人都覺得尷尬，BB又得面對B爸震怒，煩不勝煩，就乾脆分道揚鑣也罷。

我後來在想，鳳梨要是聽到自己被拒絕的真正理由，是因為他不是A片皇帝，不知道會不會覺得很冤枉，畢竟在洋妞圈中吃得開、又「有口皆碑」的華裔男生不是太多，十分IRONIC。

我對A片/裸體寫真/色情書刊/雜誌都沒意見，東洋西洋的我都見識過，商品無罪，有市場需求才會有供應，就算有些非常極端的虐待噁心骯髒或是古怪，嘿，只要是兩個成年人〈好吧，有時候是更多人〉你情我願，為什麼不？祝君幸福啦。但是我對臠童癖則抱持極大的痛恨，罪無可恕，孩子們不錯是很可愛，不是用來這樣愛的！

但是不管這些書刊雜誌DVD是樂而不淫還是淫而不樂，或者是情色而非色情，拿來當做自我性教育的教材，都是錯誤示範，東洋片裡的AV女優總是一付不堪蹂躪的可憐相，嘴裡大喊不要不要，然而雙腿劈開一字馬、腰肢努力上挺以迎合對手，先不說別的，這種片子看多了的男生，一定學不會「NO Means NO」。

西洋的A片，尤其是美國片子，男女演員都好像是塑膠做的人形〈註6.〉，機械性的進行活塞運動表演，毫無情感可言，如果奧林匹克有性愛馬拉松一項，請直接頒發金牌給美國A片男女演員。而且很多演員又像是李棠華教出來的，做愛做得好像特技表演，傳說中的「高空彈跳」〈註7.〉雖然沒有見過，我看過邊跳傘邊親熱的，當然沒有真箇銷魂，他們在機艙裡面做完了，跳出去傘張開前又親又摸的，錢真正夭壽歹賺，我對於演員與攝影師致上無比的敬意。

這樣的性教育，產生的結果就是兩個極端，把女人用絕對的二分法來區隔，不是處女就是淫婦，不是聖母就是娼妓，不光指男性對女性的態度，女性看待同性或自己也會套用相同的標準，這樣絕對的二分法，傷害女孩自己只有更嚴重，於是麻煩於焉產生。

我知道很多女生便活得極為矛盾，對自己的性需求甚感羞恥，因為「純潔的好女孩不會有肉體需求/怎麼可能自己希望被愛人擁抱親吻」？尤其甚者，不敢怨恨男人表現不佳或是冷淡自己的丈夫，總覺得好像如果她們膽敢嫌棄男人技術不好，自己即刻變成淫婦，得在胸前掛上大大的紅字A，如果走運走到腳趾頭，碰上一個知道自己在做什麼的男人，居然得以享受魚水之歡，快樂之餘，總是難免隱隱憂心「自己這樣會不會太淫蕩/對方是否會以為自己身經百戰」，使人聽得十分難過。

而BB的例子就是天秤的另一端，看到錯誤的示範，對性愛產生不切實際的期望，接個吻以為會天搖地動打雷閃電暴風雨〈不要笑，瓊瑤小說常常這樣鋪陳〉，那上到床舖還得了？宇宙要為之震盪太陽黑子要爆炸了。所以當真正發生的時候，腦海中沒有小提琴背景音樂，或是感覺如同在輕紗帳裡搖來搖去，沒有玫瑰花瓣從天而降，就覺得失望，真是瘋了，我們正常人又沒有道具人員幫忙幹這些活兒。好吧，至少幻滅是成長的開始，希望BB小姐會長大成熟，明白現實生活跟電影拍攝是兩碼子事，而且，技巧再高超的男士，也不可能移動妳的世界/宇宙/地球，不過使妳的床舖移位倒是可能的。 



4.金瓶梅這本書實在是紀錄明代升斗小民生活的寫實小說，裡面對當時的食衣住行禮儀風俗有很詳細的描述，連當時的人如何偷情納妾敦倫都有，不過性愛場面僅只是書中的一小部分，像是實際生活一樣，而且想把金瓶梅當成色情書來讀的人，國學底子要很好才行，要不然，good luck啦。
5.「早秋」是台灣話，早熟的意思。
6.當然是塑膠人，臉孔胸脯都是矽膠打出來的嘛。
7.「高空彈跳」指的某些粉彩小說羅曼史裡的場景，男女主角邊高空彈跳邊魚水之歡，寫這種東西的人要不是毫無經驗，純幻想而不知道這樣搞法有很大技術上的困難，要不然就是性愛超人，他要是真有親身體驗我們要給他鞠躬，太敬佩了。

http://madamed.pixnet.net/blog/post/6915160